Go Escape ~ a Poem
a discovery of my recent household cleanse
I’ve been doing a lot of cleansing lately. It feels motivated by an almost insistent desire for deep, energetic resetting; an internal reset that is inherently connected to the external environment. So clean house I do: my internal queen-dom and my external home-dom.
I owned a small local food distribution business for 11.5 years. It was a wonderful time, filled with deep gratification from doing “good work” in my community. In reflection, this time also carried the burden of reinforcing that my worth was tied to my output… my ability to make “good” money.
I won’t be unpacking that story here, but I want to share my noticing of how this lack of self-worth showed itself in romantic relating, and the poetic gesture that came from it.
The poem below connects to a partnership in my early thirties that was stuck and pained. I can now read these words and feel how stuck I was in my own pain.
Interestingly, I found myself in a women’s poetry and exploration workshop a few days ago themed Celebrating Eroticism. The poems I wrote in that container are of a very different flavor than the one below.
Like a journal entry, but expressed as a painting of words, an artistic expression that carries the signature “place” that we are at with our relationship to self, at different points along this thing we call life.
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Go escape
Go fall in love with someone new
Go run away cuz that’s what you do
You never knew what commitment meant
Consequences, no such thing
Confusion to your heart is all you ever bring
Pleasure is the norm in our world today
Convinced momentarily that everything is okay
Blind to ourselves we’ve become
To righteous choice, we are numb
Evaporated, like spring dew from a leaf,
our moral conscience enslaved to mainstream culture’s beliefs
Come hither, don’t you know
This is easy so it must be right…
Our soul saturated with the devil’s bite
Unable to distinguish right from wrong,
short term satiation should never belong
Deeper, I know there’s something below
Too afraid to go down that low
My heart is a call to my own freedom
Steel that yearns to be melted by wisdom
Not knowing how or what to do,
I’m stricken, stuck, unmoving,
like you, too.